can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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