did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
