Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
