Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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