i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
