Plan B is the new Plan A
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
