wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
