It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
