Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
