An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
