The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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