I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
