i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
