There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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