ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
