in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Randomize
