it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
