i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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