You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
