My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
