i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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