i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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