You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
