is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
