Hey man sorry I got all grabby
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
