People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
