Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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