I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
