Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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