I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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