just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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