I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
