Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
