I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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