She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
