Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
