yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
