oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
