hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
