he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
