her vagine was all disorganized.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
