see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
