I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
