i jhust puked up my retainher.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
