we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
