im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
