The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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