She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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