like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
