hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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