feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
